Why British People Know Nothing About Music, or Another Moment in my Love/Hate Relationship with Lists

While browsing at the magazines in Barnes & Noble the other night, I found Q Magazine. They had a cover that I could not ignore. A list of the 100 Greatest Frontmen of all time? I love music, and I love lists, so let's see what they have to say.

When I was in high school there was talk about some British band that was reportedly going to be the next Beatles. This seemed far fetched, but I listened. I thought that all that hype had died almost as quickly as it had started when everyone realized that Oasis was just a British rock band with some good songs. They were nothing special, and they probably weren't bad. Apparently the editors at Q Magazine never got that memo. Although they don't have the complete list of 100 printed on their website, I was able to find the top 20 listed elsewhere on-line. Before reading this portion of the list, be prepared because you might throw up a little in your mouth:

1) Liam Gallagher [Oasis]
2) Bono [U2]
3) Freddie Mercury [Queen]
4) Damon Albarn [Blur; Gorillaz]
5) Chris Martin [Coldplay]
6) Matt Bellamy [Muse]
7) Jim Morrison [The Doors]
8 ) Bob Marley [The Wailers]
9) Paul McCartney [The Beatles]
10) John Lennon [The Beatles]
11) Robbie Williams [Take That]
12) Debbie Harry [Blondie]
13) Mick Jagger [The Rolling Stones]
14) Morrissey [The Smiths]
15) John Lydon [Sex Pistols]
16) James Brown [The Famous Flames]
17) Bruce Springsteen [E Street Band]
18) Robert Plant [Led Zeppelin]
19) Tom Meighan [Kasabian]
20) Joe Strummer [The Clash]

Really? Liam Gallagher is #1? The number of things that this list got wrong is unfathomable. They give way too much credit to popular British bands of the last 20 years. They give almost no credit to the pioneers of rock who set the standard that other front men try to live up to (no Elvis in the top 20?). They placed Robbie Williams ahead of Mick Jagger. I know that popular British bands don't always translate across the Atlantic, but there were way too many times going through the entire list where I looked at a name I didn't recognize, then read their blurb about who he or she was, and still had no idea who they were.

It appears that the only thing this list got right was putting Freddie Mercury at #3. But that doesn't really even count since they put Bono ahead of him. Now there is nothing wrong with Bono. You could make a strong case that he is one of the 10 best frontmen, but Freddie Mercury is at least equals with Bono if you are just measuring things like attitude and charisma and stage presence. But that is ignoring the fact that Freddie Mercury was one of the best (if not the best) rock vocalists ever! Bono is all attitude, charisma, and stage presence. There is nothing else there.

In my opinion, the top four is pretty easy:

#1 Elvis Presley: He is the original. He set the standard, and there hasn't been anyone who has been able to replace him at the top. It was all there: the voice, the hips, the charisma, the attitude, the jumpsuits.

#2 Freddie Mercury: Simple an amazing performer.

#3 Mick Jagger: Can't be rated any higher because he didn't have the vocal chops of Freddie or Elvis, but he made up for it by being simply riveting on stage (even at age 64 and counting).

#4 James Brown: Although you could say that he wasn't quite as good as Eddie Murphy's impersonation of him.

After them, my opinion is probably too slanted towards hard rock, and I'm not sure how to rate hip-hop MCs, but these artists have to be somewhere in the vicinity of the top 20: Jim Morrison, Roger Daltry, Roger Plant, Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ray Charles, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Bono, Axl Rose, and David Lee Roth. These frontmen all helped define or redefine what a frontman should look and sound like. If you honestly think that Liam Gallagher defined or redefined anything in rock n' roll other than underachieving on expectations (no matter how unfair they might have been), you are most likely wrong.

Spike TV has been airing the Star Wars movies (both the originals and the new ones) during the past couple of days. It has been an enlightening experience especially after watching this series of YouTube videos.



I had no trouble making it through all seven parts of the review. Although the YouTube video doesn’t take itself very seriously (the running joke about the narrator being some kind of sex criminal was a bit tired), it’s analysis of what made the originals so good and the new trilogy so bad was seriously well done.

Right now Spike TV is showing the special edition of Return of the Jedi. Ultimately, the special editions didn’t bother me too much. They weren’t nearly as bad as the special edition of E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial. Spielberg’s decision to remove all the guns and replace them digitally with walkie-talkies took all the drama away from the final chase.

There were two things that Lucas’ special editions did ruin, though, and both of them were in Return of the Jedi. I didn’t really care when he replaced Sebastian Shaw with Hayden Christensen in the final funeral scene. That choice actually made some sense. Before the funeral scene we only see Shaw as Anakin once, and his face was barely recognizable, all scarred up and pale and dying. When I first saw the original trilogy I had to ask who that guy standing with Obi-Wan and Yoda was. Everyone now knows that Hayden Christensen is Anakin, for better or worse, and he looks genuinely happy to be there. Good for him. After a promising performance in the quite decent movie, Life as a House, his delightfully bad performance in the Star Wars movies effectively ruined any hope he may have had for a career. I'll give him this one.

No, what Lucas ruined actually had more to do with the soundtrack. They added an ugly CGI alien to perform a terrible song for Jabba the Hut. I actually had the action figures for the original band. Their original song meant a lot to me. And then they destroyed the ending of the movie by getting rid of the Ewoks’ celebration song with some lame new theme so that they could show everyone in the galaxy celebrating. The Ewok song was awesome, mostly because it sounded a little like they were singing, “Don’t believe the hype! Jub! Jub!” Classic.

I’ve actually thought about trying to rewrite the new trilogy, but I’m sure some other fan of the originals has already done it. Ultimately it won’t do anyone any good anyway. The problems with those movies can't be resolved with a special edition. George Lucas will just have to live with his failure for the rest of his life.

Top 10 Things the Housepops Will be Doing During Christmas Break

(And three things we will not be doing this year.)

As presented at the First Annual Canfield House Follies!

We will not be:

Gambling with the housekeepers. (They’re way too good at poker.)

Filling E-Mac’s room with popcorn. He’ll have to eat his way out!

Backyard wrestling in Ridgway. Mrs. F-M has humiliated me for the last time.

What we will be doing:

10. Sleeping through breakfast, and lunch, and dinner, Taco Bell is open til 3 a.m., participation may vary

9. Arguing about who gets to be Chewbacca at the annual Star Wars Christmas Party (c’mon Jared, you would make a perfect Yoda. I’m tired of being C-3PO)

8. Recording the Where’s Waldo book on tape

7. Watching Nate try to cook all his meals.

6. Did someone say South Park marathon?

5. Taking turns putting the boa constrictor in Shad’s bed

4. Married houseparents canoodling….all.…over.…campus.

3. Drawings for foreign language textbooks

2. The first rule of fight club in the rec room is you do not talk about fight club in the rec room

1. Caffeine!

Are you staring at my titles?

9 random thoughts that I wrote about while watching Michael Jackson's memorial, some of which have to do with the memorial, but most of which do not.

1. What happened to Mariah Carey? Listening to her try to get through “I’ll be There” during the Michael Jackson memorial was slightly painful. She can’t hit any high notes. Her voice has gotten really raspy and weak. How does that happen? It’s really too bad because she was such a talented singer and performer.

2. Why do they insist on messing with a working formula. Chuck was a great show. I’m not even interested in next season now. I finally got to watch last season’s finale. What they did to his character made absolutely no sense. It ruined everything that was great about the show and how it worked. Boo.

3. The Hangover was absolutely hilarious. Todd Phillips has now directed three of the funniest movies made since 2000: Road Trip, Old School, and now The Hangover. Genius.

4. The question keeps coming up about whether or not Roger Federer is the greatest tennis player of all time. First of all, tennis has been affected more in the last few decades by technology than any other sport. Trying to compare players who played with wood rackets to those who play with graphite is simply impossible. The game is too different. Is he better than Sampras or Nadal? I think that if you paired them all together at their respective peaks and had some kind of tournament where they played against each other on all surfaces, Federer wouldn’t win all the matches, but he would win more than the other guys.

5. I don’t understand the way cats think. They are crazy. My girlfriend’s cat doesn’t seem to understand that my feet are connected to my body. Of course she can’t figure out that her own tail is connected to her body, but even so, it’s very annoying.

6. Michael Jackson’s brothers are all wearing matching single gloves at his memorial. That’s cool. I’m not sure why they are not all on the same hand though. That’s a little weird.

7. During the first half of this baseball season, Albert Pujols has been out of this world good. He’s always been great, but he seems to be at another level. I hope he can make it to 60 home runs. That would be awesome.

8. Michael Jackson didn’t show us the worst, but certainly some of the weirdest ways that fame could affect a person. There’s just too much. Where do you start? When I was growing up, we had this record of Michael narrating the story of E.T. That was so cool. I wish I still had it.

9. Serena Williams is an interesting woman. And according to John Wertheim, she does not pack lightly.

You all wish you were as cool as Han Solo, PI

Fine I'll do it.

My brother knows how much I love lists.  I mostly love disagreeing with them, but I do love them.  He told me about a website that rates the greatest albums of all time based upon how they are ranked in other lists.  I decided to get in on this because I didn't like that some albums were underappreciated or unappreciated all together.

These lists are so hard to make.  I do know that I love every song on Radiohead's The Bends, but does that really make it the best album of all time?  I don't know the answer to that.  I just know what I like.

You should be able to see my list here:  My list.

You probably won't like what you see, but that's the beauty of the exercise.  Enjoy.

I am a Witness, for a lot of Bad Basketball with LeBron James

I love the NBA…usually.  LeBron James is the most talented basketball player alive.  The NBA playoffs have been incredibly entertaining this year.  All that being said, the end of game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Orlando Magic showed why so many people love to hate on the NBA.  The great basketball that was played, at times by both teams, was overshadowed by the events of the final minutes and ultimately the final seconds of regulation.

Watching the Cavaliers offense disintegrate into the LeBron James one-on-one show during the last few minutes of regulation could not have been more frustrating.  If one of LeBron’s teammates actually touched the ball on the offensive end during the last few minutes of the game, I certainly didn’t see it.  The Cavs apparently hired a new assistant coach to essentially act as their offensive coordinator.  But what’s the point of having an offense at all if it can’t get you a basket when you need it?  Even Mo Williams admitted that there was no other option other than LeBron James at the end of game 2.  And are James’ teammates that bad?  For a man that has gotten so much praise throughout the season for being a great teammate, LeBron James seems to forget that they even exist at the end of games.

Sure he gets some things done.  There was one point towards the end when Orlando was slow getting back on defense.  LeBron recognized and dribbled past everyone for a monster dunk.  And he did make a three to get the Cavs within one point towards the end of overtime.  This probably goes back to the game a few years ago when LeBron scored the Cavs’ last 25 points in a playoff game against Detroit.

Maybe LeBron is not entirely to blame for the way he played the end of the game.  It obviously works enough for him to keep doing it.  Cleveland’s management deserves some blame for not surrounding him with better players.  Cleveland’s coaching staff could be blamed for not having better or more imaginative ways even for LeBron to get the ball and take the final shot.  And of course the officials need to take some blame for the way last night’s game ended.

After LeBron made his game tying free throws, the officials did the right thing by not calling a foul when Dwight Howard and Anderson Varejao got tied up on the last second lob attempt.  The players were instead awarded five more minutes of game time to figure it out.  But what about the sequence that led to those game tying free throws?

LeBron received the inbound pass from the sideline.  (Why NBA teams get to automatically advance the ball past half court after a timeout is beyond me and best left for another time.)  From the moment he touched the ball it was obvious that he was not going to even think about passing.

I coached a high school basketball team this year.  Anytime a player with the ball lowered their shoulder into the defender, a foul was called against the player with the ball.  No question.  Last night LeBron drove the ball and lowered his shoulder right into a backpedalling Mickael Pietrus.  LeBron then lost his balance and control of the ball.  LeBron could have gotten called for an offensive foul, but really it was a great opportunity for the officials to put their whistles away and let the players decide the outcome of the game.  Instead Pietrus was somehow called for a blocking foul.  Are you serious?

I am not an Orlando Magic fan.  But after watching that game and comparing the way those two teams played, it seems impossible not to like the Magic.  Their style of play is more similar to the college game that everyone seems to love, except that they do it much, much better.  (Don’t believe me?  Just ask former college All-American JJ Redick who can’t even get in the game for this team.)  The way they moved the ball and played an overall team game was such a change of pace from the Cavs end of game “give it to LeBron” offense.

This year’s playoffs have been so exciting and have been filled with great basketball.  It just disappointed me to see this game reduced to LeBron and the officials vs. Orlando.  Hopefully as the great Herm Edwards would say, “We can build on this.”